I’ve been missing in action.

Well, maybe just missing in action in life updates here, but that happens sometimes. We need to go into hiding, into our caves, reflect, grow, nurture ourselves and come back out.

Well I’m here, slowly emerging back out. I’ve had some change in my life as well, so learning how to adapt to those changes and what this looks like to me.

The last six months, I’ve been apartment dwelling for the most part. Trust me, it is not my favorite, but there were more pros to it than there were cons. Sometimes those pros are still not what we WANT, but what we need. I think that is the beauty of life.

I was able to get all of the necessary plans done on Dawson – yes, the van has a new name. He is no longer Zachary and is now Dawson, but friends, that is a story for later on down the line.

He is no longer wandering on the road, he is as good as new. Have I spent as much on repairs that I have as to what I paid for him? Yes. And I still have no regrets. It was nice to have a stable home, not a hotel, while I was able to get him repaired by the shops I knew would take their sweet time. I was also able to get all the insides fixed, except for a few minor ones AND I was able to finally get my solar panels replaced. This has been a good awful 8 month saga that started last July. But once again, a story for another day.

Sitting in my family-in-law’s drive way as they figure out how to mount my solar panels.

I was also able to start growing some psychedelic mushrooms. I’ve been looking more into the medicinal properties and how profoundly healing they are. I’ve taken a few journeys myself as well. I was able to grow an ample supply to have with me for some time. Growing these mushrooms in a van simply isn’t ideal.

I was able to get many vet issues sorted out with the dogs. Juneau has all kinds of food allergies. I was able to get to the vet and get her on medication and she has been so happy and not nearly as itchy and miserable as she was. Everest was also able to get her shoulder the rest it needed so dearly as well as have her mast cell tumor removed. The good news? She is cancer free.

While life threw a hell of a pivot towards me, I could be mad, sad, and grumpy, but I’m incredibly grateful to have this time to regroup. I also did start seeing someone as well, as most of you know, and we have been staying together. This has also allowed me space to continue to work on my wounds and be aware of old patterns coming back for me.

I recently spent two weeks traveling down to see my family and best friend. I was so grateful to be back on the road, but I missed being out in nature. I missed the slow life. I missed so much that I’m so excited to get back to.

Juneau and Indy (my sister’s dog) became best friends.

I’ve also had a bigger spiritual calling coming. As most of you all might know, I lost my best friend a few weeks ago. She was 73 and her body was failing on her and I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner. I know she missed her husband deeply, as he left us 9 years ago. I believe that when she saw me, a few days prior, she knew I was in a place in which I didn’t need her. She knew I was in a place to take the next steps in my life and I know she needs to be on the other side for me to continue my growth.

Peggy and Everest bonding during our visit.

I miss her deeply. It hurts the most when I just want to talk to someone, yap about nothing and everything at the same time. I know I can still talk to her and I know she is always with me and I’m sure her husband is thrilled to have some help to keep me from getting in crazy situations and always keeping me safe, even if it might not be my smartest decision.

I feel myself getting called to step into my next chapter, my next step in life. This summer will be me touching the lighter parts of myself. Stepping into my power and my abilities and my confidence. There is only so much shadow work a person can do and then you have to do work that is in the light instead.

I don’t really know what all of that looks like, but I am so excited to explore it. I’m excited to continue to see my journey unfold and only hope I can look back on myself in 13 years and be proud of myself, just like I can look back on myself 13 years ago and be proud of that person.

I didn’t have all the knowledge and experience then and I know I won’t have it this go around. But I know I will be proud of the decision I do make with the skills and knowledge I do have.

When you are able to meet your past self with compassion and forgiveness, then you learn how to give that to yourself in the present moment. And if you aren’t doing something you know future self won’t like – you know you can change your mind in the present moment and do something different.

Just taking time to enjoy the grass in the beautiful weather.

I also want to start writing more. I love writing. I never thought I was good at it. But I know I am, of course, with grammar mistakes (I promise to proofread more.) I also know that I have a way of thinking about the world that most people don’t. I try to look at things through multiple perspectives.

So my friends, welcome back on this journey with me. There will be more to come, but for now, that is the update and I hit the woods again in a few days.