Disclaimer: This blog was written on 3.30.24

Let us began.

I have always had a calling to writing. In my teenage years, I would sit on a teen forum writing all kinds of poetry trying to look for validation in my writing. That I was connecting with others. I believed in the power of sharing you story.

But then I stepped away. Other people needed their story heard, so I kept my quiet. I wanted people to feel heard. Now, I share snippets of certain times as I see how others really connect when they know I have been through something so similar to them. They trust me more. And I’m honest and vulnerable. Vulnerability is key. It allows them to know that “Hey, we are kind of learning together. This is how mine is going, but man it really looks like is going really well! But they don’t always get into the inner workings of my mind, or my true journey.

This blog might consist of stream of consciousness that I might not edit and just truly post them how they are, as they words flow out of my mind way too fast for my fingers to keep up *melting face*. So if that is your jam, because sometimes they are a trip. *shifty eyes, shroom, flower*. Depending on how this goes, I might share more of what substance I am on at the time.

Other times it will be reflections of my childhood and where my relationships are with those people. Family, it is hard to hide your names, so please proceed with caution. As will I. Family is tough and not enough people talk about it. And anyone that knows me knows family is fucking insane. And I love each and everyone of you, but damn, we all need some type of therapy and just get it done.

Yes, there will be fowl language. Have you met me?

Others will be a reflection of my next series in my life. I began to star to close the final book on my Colorado run and it has been incredible. I am currently writing this in my van for the first night ever! The only thing I forgot is more blankets, but then again I have heaters! But of course I’m going to use the hot hands first.

I found a nice little disburse campsite. There was one other party there, but they disappeared for a while, which was actually so fucking perfect. Both dogs were able to be off leash. Everest was like “What the fuck?!?!” and just wore her self out, so she slept in the back, while Juneau and I played ball the entire evening. I’d through the ball, work on my task, she would come running back and repeat.

And the afternoon was so wonderful. We wander back to the woods to explore and Juneau just went to town. Found herself a deer bone and dug I think a 3 foot hole. Everest then sat in-between my legs and we just forest bathed and sun bathed together and it was truly incredible.

I didn’t have one fucking worry in the god damn world. It felt incredible. It is the greatest high to finally feel like I have accomplished my true goal. I know who I am, what I believe in and I’m no longer afraid of it.

And I know there are others out there feeling like me: In all or part of these journeys and I hope you come with me on this.

I will put subjects in the titles, but I will not put trigger word. Why? Because here is the deal. I’m a heyoka. What is that mean? I’m a coyote, a trickster if you will. I have an odd way of mirroring back the exact behavior you need to work on, or I will question you in a direct way you defenses might flair. I am not one for the week. But if you want a MEAL for thought, ya found your kid. So just be aware. It happens and I would hate to lose a follower, but please take your time away from me and be mad. You will work through what ever lesson is there for you, as to why I still have strong boundaries towards people too.

Did I do it yet?

So come with me, on this wild journey of me learning how to forget everything I knew about myself to really learning myself. I have allowed judgements of myself, my parents, my siblings, my friends, and any perceived judgements from anyway.

This has allowed me to let little Chelsea (yes this is my *dead*name. Fact is, I see myself as Chelsea then and I will refer to myself as that.) ANYWAYS, sorry, I’ve had some folks in my past get their panties in a wad over this and it just irritates me. I wanna do it that way, get over yourself. Seeesh

This has allowed me to let little Chelsea know to keep pushing through what every she is going through. She, we will heal, together. And we will allow ourselves to become our true authentic dirty, dread, headed, barefooted. dirty kid, living in a van, with his two dogs.

I will also switch pronouns. Sometimes I’m a kick ass bitch, or just a bitch and other times I’m just a dude being a dumb ass. I will write according to the feelings that day.

Anyways, I was laying in the grass with Everest and I, and I had this huge overwhelming feeling come through and I felt it. I have become that person. I was able to tell my little Chelsea that. To not give up. At times it looks like it is impossible or it will start a way you don’t want it to (like with a partner, yeah, I really want to and need to do this solo.) And I am so fucking proud of myself.

I have reached my ultimate goal: found my authentic self and started living my authentic self.

So I hope you go on this incredible journey with me, as I share deep parts of myself, my healing self, my struggling self and my most proud self and I can only hope you learn something with me, my friend.

And if I’m fucking god damn worth it, you are too. So come, my friend, join me on this incredible journey in where I learn to live in a van, adapt to this incredible new life style with my two very best friends, Juneu and Everest.

In the future, I’ll share my plan for the first year and a half and why I chose what I did. And while we take that journey together, here, please go and share your story with me here. I would love to hear it, and who knows, maybe you could change someone else’s life. *winky face*

Anyways, I’m trying so hard not to fall asleep, but it is time Everest and I curl up. Goodnight yall. I love you.